Tao and Zen

A few years ago I came to the conclusion, though I forget exactly how, that there's no such thing as "right person, wrong time". My feeling is that if it's the wrong time, it's not the right person, and if it's the right person, there is no wrong time.

Actually, let me explicate, because that's not exactly what I mean. I'm not saying that it might not be the wrong time to get involved with a person you've decided is right. I have decided, at different times, not to get involved with a person who I think is the right person. What I mean is that if a person is the right person, they will still be the right person later; missing an opportunity now doesn't mean it won't be there later, if the person is truly the right person. And if missing the current opportunity does mean that, then it's definitely not the right person, in my opinion.

That's what most people mean by "right person, wrong time". They don't mean that a later time they'll think about this person again; they mean that they might have considered this person at a different time, but because this person doesn't fit into their life now, bye-bye person. A friendship may be attempted, but even if later on that person might fit their life, said person will not be considered.

I find this outlook well nigh incomprehensible. I have lots of people in my life, and at any given time it may or may not be "right" to be involved with any one of them. For instance, I went through a six-year period where I practiced monogamy, even though it's not really my nature, because my partner wanted me to do so. During this time I met or already knew any number of people with whom I might have wanted to become romantically involved, but because I was practicing monogamy, it wasn't the "right time". I didn't think that it would never be the right time, so while I didn't string anybody along, I never assumed that I had a "right person, wrong time" scenario. Now that I am no longer with that partner (his decision), it may be once more the "right time" to be involved with some of these other people.

I wonder if it might be because I am, by nature, polyamorous, that I have this outlook. I have a life partner, but I don't have to exclude the idea of romance with anybody else from my life simply because of that, and so I don't need to worry about whether or not someone is more "right" for me than he is or whether or not it might be the wrong time. My feeling is that I will get involved with the right people when the time is, in fact, right.