Tao and Zen

Originally posted to my LiveJournal on 5/4/2003

I am never going to be content with less than everything that I can be.

I am never going to accept limitations. There may be setbacks, and there may be changes of plans, but there are no no-win scenarios. I will never accept defeat.

I will never believe that I can't have something because I'm not smart enough, not young enough, not thin enough, not talented enough, and not male enough. I am a woman in a man's field, and I am going to keep doing what I am doing until I don't feel like doing it anymore. I may never be the best that there is, but I will make my mark, and when I'm done, it's going to be obvious that I am damned good.

I will never let anyone tell me that what I am is wrong. I can make mistakes, and I can stumble, but I myself am not wrong. I carry myself like a banner, and I will accomplish what I set out to accomplish because I am good at what I do and what I am.

I am one hell of a: mother, cook, friend, lover, writer, security engineer. I'm a night person but I can get up while it's still dark and do the job of at least three people. I'm chronically ill but I have never let that stop me. I'm not afraid to cry, and I'm not afraid to get angry, and I'm not afraid to bleed.

I give as good as I get. Treat me like dirt and I'll give you mud. Treat me like gold and I will shine on you as brightly as the sun. Hurt my children and I will turn on you. I am your mirror.

I move like the wind. I like my habits but I change them without warning. I talk to animals and trees. I sing to the stars. I dance the patterns. I can be like a breath of fresh air, or I can be like a sudden summer storm. Don't underestimate me.

I will never be content to sit still. If I am not discovering something new I will die. There will always be new territory to conquer. I will die with my boots on, if only figuratively. I will never sing a swan song.

You can't tell me that I shouldn't do something. I've never been afraid to do the things I shouldn't do. At times I am cautious, but I am never feeble. I have my phobias but I shall conquer every one. I have my dislikes but I am never afraid to try something new...and then try again later to see if I've changed my mind. And I change my mind a lot...because I can.

I'm not afraid to love, and not afraid to admit to it. I'm not afraid to dance in public. I'm not afraid to try something even if there's no chance of it working; the attempt itself is my triumph. I'm not afraid to be mistaken because I'll never be wrong if I'm not afraid.

Did you lose me? You didn't deserve me. Did you miss me? You didn't even see me. Do you hate me? It's because you fear me. If you knew the truth, you'd be as free as I am, free to dance through the grass in the starlight, in the sunlight, in the rain. Do you love me? Then you know.

I'm never going to step back because someone told me it wasn't my turn. It is my turn. And I won't stop turning. If you're smart, you'll follow and you'll turn too. Don't lose sight. Don't give up. Don't underestimate. Don't let go.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. It's me.